Quotes from Professors  

"Then slowly through osmosis and repeating all this other crap, we'll learn what all of this other stuff does."

"This is too difficult even for human beings to understand."

"I have no idea how many [golfers] actually get hit on a lightning course."

"[Before television,] they probably did have radio puppets, but they were probably more like voice puppets."

"In the long run, we're all dead."

"Ask them their gender.  Most people can answer that."

"[The lines] intersect exactly when they do."

"That video was made in Canada, but it still applies to North America..."

"You pay more for gas if you drive more because you need more gas."

"So, going from freshmen to seniors, it's clear that you do actually learn something."

"My notes are basically the same as previous years, except I change things."

"The Congressional Congress that wrote the Declaration of Independence..."

"It's a science fiction show - British, which means strange."

"I'm biased; I'm an Apple user, but Windows was just a big rip off of Apple's operating system.  I cringe to think what Microsoft's operating system would be now if it weren't for Apple.  Like DOS version 20.  I could never remember all those commands in DOS.  I like a computer that says 'You're stupid, I'll take care of you'."

"Some of the information I just told you may be not true."

"In general, this is too general."

"Most industrial industries have clear economies of scale..."

"The bullet went from the gun into Bob and this caused Bob's health to decline."

"Now we've got a woman disguising herself as a man disguised as a woman, and it all worked out."

"I actually saw this in a magazine about Arctic oil production: Exxon said 'We don't have too many workers being eaten by polar bears'."

"In the United States, you're supposed to be protected from being stupid."

"If you could already end up in jail for life, what's a little violence on top of it?"

"My philosophy in China was to tell someone three times, then confirm it."

"I like big, strong guys who aren't very smart.  Very useful people..."

"It's amazing how good of a relationship you can have with your in-laws when you don't speak a common language."

"For some reason, Congress decided they couldn't spend a lot of money and have big tax cuts at the same time.  This is more common sense than they usually have."

Duh
"If you do no work during the course, you will receive an F for the course."

Regarding television commercials for colleges, persuasive aspects of
"They usually show a student jogging across campus on a warm, sunny day.  Maybe they should be more honest: 'Come to the nerd capital of the Midwest' or show students studying for their differential equations exam before finals week."