Archive for the ‘Outrageous’ Category

Might seem like a good idea…

Monday, November 23rd, 2009

“Sign up for the Protect Your Balls Dodgeball Tournament for Testicular Cancer Awareness.”

Quote from Morlok himself

Wednesday, August 5th, 2009

“Brogan what tool do I need to keep this thing from rubbing into my junk?”

Matt Stairs postgame interview

Sunday, October 19th, 2008

“When you get that nice celebration coming into the dugout, um, getting your ass hammered by guys…there’s no better feeling than to have that done, and it was definitely the top pinch hit home run of my career.”

YouTube here.

Trivial Pursuit

Wednesday, September 19th, 2007

QUESTION: What was created by the Big Bang?
OTHER PLAYERS (guffawing in disgust): Atoms. Matter. Galaxies. Everything. Cows!
SARAH: I was created by the big bang!

Really bad headline

Monday, May 14th, 2007

Royals To Get a Taste of Angels’ Colon

Here’s another one:

Yankees’ Wang Hit Hard By Rangers

Random

Monday, April 9th, 2007

(calling front desk from hotel room)
“Hello, I’m staying in one of your rooms. You probably already knew that because I’m calling you.”

“I never stop hoping that a judge will say, ‘Look, pictures of naked people don’t hurt anyone, no, not even people under 18. Shoot, when I was 13 and president of Future Lawyers of America, my friend gave me a copy of Playboy as a down payment for my unsuccessful attempts to defend him on curfew-breaking charges in Foot v. Ass, and look how I turned out.’ ”

“I don’t believe in this global America. Where can you find leather-soled shoes? Nowhere! All the old people are falling down because their shoes are junk! They make these plastic shoes in China and India. They should just send them back and let those people buy ‘em!”

On Antisocial Personality Disorder

Tuesday, March 27th, 2007

“I love that there are actual medical terms for things like being a pain in the butt.?

On accidental death and dismemberment insurance

Tuesday, March 13th, 2007

“If you die in some sort of weird way, you get more money.”

Bisexuals and pagans and Darwinists, oh my!

Monday, March 5th, 2007

This was in the Minnesota Daily a few years back. What happened was that the student council cut funding for a religious student organization that was using a religiously-exclusive membership policy. That caused a controversy, the school paper needed an interview subject for a counterpoint, and got this:

“They want to turn down the hordes of bisexual pagan Darwinists applying for membership to the Maranatha Christian Fellowship, but they still want the cash.”
Mike Jones, president of Campus Atheists and Secular Humanists

Urinal ads

Thursday, February 15th, 2007

From an AP article about advertising in men’s restrooms:

“The idea is based on the concept that there is no more captive audience than a guy standing at a urinal,” Deutsch said. “You can’t look right and you can’t look left; you’ve got to look at the ad.”